remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
