You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
