Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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