I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
