considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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