Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
