and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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