my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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