your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
