I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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