i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
