I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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