OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
