____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
