you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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