Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
