I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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