i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
