His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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