I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
