porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
