operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
