Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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