im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
