You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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