Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ambien. No doubt about it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
