He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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