I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we're making bets on your personal life
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
