This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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