last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
