Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
