dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
