Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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