Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
