You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
