ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
