You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
