I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
