Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
