Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just cropdusted the office
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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