i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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