Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
