At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
