I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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