apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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