I hope mine doesn't look like that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
