I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
