I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
