I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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