You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think my vagina is haunted
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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