Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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