barbara walters just said penis...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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