OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
