And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I deserve this hangover.
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