To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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