I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just googled if crying burns calories
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
