she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
